Damaged But Breathing
by GhostedNeon
Summary: AU. What if Maura really did leave on a plane with Ian? Jane gets left behind and loses all contact with her best friend. What happens when Maura shows up out of the blue almost two and a half years later? Greatly inspired by Calls Me Home - Shannon La Brie
1. A Meeting of Resentment

Maura walks into the Boston Police Department, getting a few looks from the officers around the area. She knows full well that she doesn't look much like she used to. It has been two and a half years after all. She presses the up arrow with her thumb, waiting on an elevator. Her eyes move from side to side, ears intent on the sounds behind her. The elevator dings. She steps into the vacant room, the doors closing on her. Of all things, at least she isn't claustrophobic. The movement reminds her of days so long ago, riding up and down to see Jane, Frost, Korsak, Frankie, and to head to her basement. The doors open, revealing many men about the area. She spots Korsak and Frost. They don't pay any mind until she saunters towards them, sneakers rubbing against the floor. Her hair is pulled back, a maroon V-neck on her chest instead of some expensive shirt, and worn jeans covering her legs. The sergeant's eyes dart upward and catch hers. A look of recognition passes between them as she can feel Frost's eyes on her as well. Maura turns to him, no smile on her face; she hasn't had one for a while now.

"What are you doing back, Dr. Isles?" Korsak queries. He stands, along with the detective, and they both walk up to her. She hasn't answered yet, not entirely sure what to say. There's always the truth.

"I was going to see about getting my job back." The former M.E. states it clearly, simply. The detective looks to her, a questioning look clouding his features. He rubs his head lightly as she gives him a look of wonder herself.

"Why didn't you tell anyone you were coming home?" Such a good question. She thinks back to what Ian had told her once. She now understands why he had worded it so.

"I didn't know I was." It may not make sense to Frost at the moment, the way she words it, but it will. She looks to Jane's desk, fingers at her sides digging into her palms. That will be the worst, talking to Jane after a year and a half of no contact. A sigh passes her lips. "Where's Jane?" A look passes between both the raven's partners. They know something, perhaps her anger; she has a right to be angry at Maura for not calling. She doesn't know the reason why though. The doctor's eyes look from one man to the next, awaiting an answer.

"She's downstairs," Korsak answers, turning away to sit back down. The other man follows suit, both still wondering about the doctor's sudden return. She nods to them both and heads to where her friend is. She elevator ride is quiet save for the thoughts filtering through her head. How is she going to tell Jane about everything that happened? She doesn't know. The blonde walks through the elevator doors and sees her office. It's changed, but she sees her white chair, worn down from use by Pike. She walks to the autopsy room, noting a raised voice. _Jane. _Her breath hitches in her throat.

"Come on, Pike! We need that DNA now!" Jane roars into his face. She has all but forgotten her technique of complimenting him to get him to do what she wants. She glances to the figure in her peripheral, eyes connecting with a body she hasn't seen in years. A wave of emotions swarms through her; anger, hurt, desperation to embrace her. Maura feels a surge of yearning settle into her bones. There she is, her best friend, the one person she's been dying to see, the one person she wants to tell everything to. She wants to run to her, to hug her. She wants Jane to reassure her that nothing's changed between them, but the sudden look of venom slowly dripping into the detective's eyes halts even the thought.

"What happened to your fancy clothes? Someone in Africa rip them off of you and sell them?" her words are laced with anger, hurt. The rage inside her is speaking now, but Maura doesn't know how things have changed without her. The pits in her stomach start to churn, and she runs; it's the only thing her body can do. Isles darts out of the office and straight to the elevator. She has to get out right now. As the elevator doors close, she looks to her once best friend again, and the tears spill down her cheeks.


	2. The Change You Caused in Me

Author's Note: I want to thank Breyer, my amazing idea buddy, and Shannon, my awesome editor, for helping me with this story so far. Thank you so much.

* * *

Jane scoffs as the blonde runs to the elevator. _Someone's ego is bruised. _She looks back up to Dr. Pike and sighs loudly enough for him to hear. His eyes, which were previously between the two women, shifts back to the raven.

"I'm working as meticulously as I can, detective." Her brows lower as she glares at him, that venom that was intended for Maura turning on him.

"Work _faster,_ doctor," she growls under her breath. She storms off, heading straight for the elevator to get back to her desk. Her midnight locks sit on her shoulders, surprisingly. It's been a while since she's actually had her hair down at work. She presses the up button with her index finger, anger still running rampant through her veins. _She has some nerve just showing back up like she did. After a year and a half of nothing, and she just expects things to be hunky-dory. The nerve. And running off because of a comment on her clothes? Come on! _She kicks the wall of the elevator before the doors open, collecting herself as they do. She walks briskly to her desk and sits down. Jane gives no sign of fatigue, or rubbing of the eyes despite not having slept much in the past few months. She catches the eyes of her partners on her.

"What?" she asks vehemently. They exchange a look of uncertainty, and Korsak moves to speak.

"Did you see Dr. Isles?" he queries, voice soft. Her eyes narrow on him, before turning to Frost who has just opened to speak, but stops at the sight of her. She doesn't want to talk about this now; she doesn't want to discuss that _woman_ at all.

"Yes. And she left." Both men's brows rise. The doctor was ominous in her return, and now maybe they understand why. Jane is enraged, to say the least. They can understand that, but they thought of all things to bring her back to normal, Dr. Isles would do the trick. Seems that isn't the case anymore. Frost is almost too scared to ask, but ventures forth regardless.

"What did you say?" He's not sure he wants to hear the answer, or if he'll even get one. Detective Rizzoli looks up from her computer and makes a mental note of his curious nature today.

"I made a comment on her clothes, and she ran away. Seems she hasn't changed in the slightest."

In the recent months, Jane had come to resent her old friend; the way she smiled, the way she avoided lies by truths, the very way she threw useless information at her. It turned Rizzoli off to the idea of her return. If Maura was coming back, she should have kept up with the phone calls.

Her eyes shift back to the present, staring at the information on her computer screen. The two have stopped talking about the doctor, a good idea for everyone. She rubs her temple as the information on the screen starts to all settle together. Her fingers hesitantly trace the outline of the gun in its holster before she jumps out of her seat. She struts right for the elevator.

"Where are you going?" Korsak asks, voice slightly raised.

"Suspect's home," she answers shortly as the elevator doors close before her. She's been doing that most times lately too; running off ahead of everyone. The sergeant jumps out of his seat, heading straight for the adjacent elevator. Frost exchanges a look with his superior. Jane didn't even feel the need to disclose what she had just put together to them.

"Do you think it's worse now that the doctor is back?" Frost stays in his seat, letting Korsak handle her this time. She is quite a handful now. The other man's finger is pressed to the down arrow, hoping the elevator will hurry itself before Rizzoli gets too much of a head start.

"It seems that way." Korsak isn't sure he can answer the detective in any other way. They see the change, every day at work. Her slow transformation from the caring and joking woman to the 'badass' detective everyone expects of her. The days without Doctor Isles have changed her tremendously, and he suspects that she wasn't ready for this new side of Jane. The inverse is true as well. Rizzoli hadn't been ready for a reunion. The elevator opens and Korsak heads after Jane.


	3. Now and Never

Author's Note: Thank you all so much for your reviews. I enjoy reading them. I'm also trying to manage how I update. I know they're short chapters, but it does make it easier on me. But anyway, I'm really glad you all like it. I've got lots of ideas for this story.

* * *

Maura had walked to her mother's from the BPD and packed her things. She enjoyed living with Constance, but she wanted to go home. On the walk from her mother's house to her house, she has time to think. It's the time that lets everything settle from the day's earlier events. Maura had expected anger, but… the change in her friend she did not. She pulls her single bag of luggage along the sidewalk, the soft clicking sound breaking the city's normal noise. She sees the familiar building and remembers that she had offered to let Angela stay there. The doctor isn't sure that she wants to see her, not after the previous encounter with her daughter. She raps her knuckles against the door softly and footsteps approach it. The door opens.

"Hello," Angela says with a smile before it sinks in that this is her other daughter, or close enough. "Maura, it's so good to see you!" she exclaims, pulling the blonde into an embrace she can't escape. Maura doesn't hug back, but she doesn't fight it either. Mrs. Rizzoli opens the door and lets the doctor in with her bag trailing closely behind her. The house isn't different, to Isles's surprise. "I knew you'd come home sometime, so I tried to keep everything the same for when you finally returned." _That makes one of us. _

"Thank you, Angela." She isn't sure what else she can say.

"Now what were you doing staying gone for two and a half years, young lady?"

"I was travelling with Ian. We went quite a few places but… we had a… a falling out.." Maura nibbles on the inside of her bottom lip. "I decided to come home." Home is such an interesting word, but it's appropriate.

"Have you seen Jane yet?" The blonde gives her a look; it's a mix of hurt and shame. Angela knows right there that it's a yes. "Jane hasn't been the same since you left. And when you stopped contacting her…" she pauses, knowing that it goes without words that it was hard for the detective.

"I'm sorry," Isles whispers, fighting back the twinges of guilt.

"Don't tell me, hun, tell her." Mrs. Rizzoli gives a warm smile to the blonde. "But for now, go put your things up and I'll get you something to eat and put on some tea." Maura does as she is told and takes her luggage to her room, sitting on the bed for a few moments. This bed, how she had missed it so.

Jane is heading back to headquarters after making the arrest of their suspect. Korsak catches up with her and grabs her shoulder roughly; that isn't like him at all. Her eyes fall on him in confusion.

"I'm fed up with your attitude, Jane. You hardly even talk to me or Frost anymore. You run off ahead of everyone; do I need to remind you of Hoyt and what happened when you ran ahead?" he hates using that as a point, but he feels it necessary to make her see what she's become, "And now that Dr. Isles is back, you're treating her like she was never your friend in the first place." Vince has had enough of her trying to make up for the loss she experienced. He knows her better than most, and this isn't her.

"You're going to say the incident with Hoyt is my fault now?" She shrugs her shoulder from his grip. She knows he doesn't mean it like that, but it's another wall of defense, and one part of her takes insult to that comment. Jane's eyes connect with his. "And all this about Maura being my friend. If she was ever my friend, she wouldn't have left." Her gaze drops to the pavement they're walking on before turning back up to him. "Don't try to tell me how to live my life, Korsak." She walks away from him, jaw set tight in place. Instead of the Boston Police Department, she walks straight home to her apartment. The thought of her mother at Maura's causes her to wonder how that went. Rizzoli figures that Maura got her mother to side with her about the incident in the basement and sighs. Just what she doesn't need, her mother against her in all of this.

_Why did you come back? Why now? Why, after all this time and nothing between us, did you come back? _She closes her eyes, fighting the tears. _No one knows. No one knows. Why now, Maura? I needed you. _


	4. Crossing the Starting Line

A few days have passed since their encounter, and Maura is getting used to being home. Angela moved back to the guest house. Many nights the doctor finds it hard to sleep, but it is easier than it has been. She drifts into a wavering slumber, dreams, memories filtering into it.

_"Jane, it's alright. It's just some of the villagers." The blonde smiles into the webcam, looking at her friend's face. She seems wary of the strangers behind her friend. "Most of them don't even know English." _

_ "If you say so. How's it been? You've been gone two months now, right?" Jane asks though she knows precisely how long it's been, as does Maura. _

_ "It's been fun. Ian and I are having a blast, and we're helping people. Jane, I do wish you could be here." It's the entire truth; she misses the detective more than words can say._

_ "Yeah, I'm doing just fine here in Boston where I have a comfy bed to sleep on every night." She laughs quietly._

_ "It's not all bad. How are things going over there? Pike as annoying as ever?" She giggles thinking about Jane's distaste for the man. "And how's Casey?"_

_ "Pike's slow as a snail. Slower actually. Things are okay, though. Casey's fine," the raven says the last part with a half-hearted smile. _

_ "How about the Rizzoli's?"_

_ "Ma's fine. Frankie's still clinging to me like a puppy at work. Tommy's doing good." _

_ "I really miss you, Jane. Working with you. Talking with you." The doctor's eyes slant down for a moment._

_ "Yeah, me too, Maura," she whispers back, a small smile on her face, "Call me again soon, okay?" _

"_Of course." The detective closes the laptop after another moment, raising her hand to her mouth as she tries not to dwell on her best friend being in Africa. Maura's fingertips press against the screen as if Jane is still there, and she closes her eyes. Closing the laptop, she puts it away and goes to find Ian._

"But, sir…" Maura addresses Lieutenant Cavanaugh before he cuts her off.

"No 'buts', Dr. Isles. You left without any kind of notice. You're working under Pike until I feel you're ready to move up." He tells her forthright, and it's practically law.

"Yes, sir." She lowers her gaze slightly. He sends her out of his office, and she heads downstairs as inconspicuously as possible. She had decided to try for her job back, to start stepping back into her old life one step at a time. Her feet stop abruptly as she notices Dr. Pike in her chair, or what used to be her chair. "Doctor… I'm working under you for the time being." She hates saying it, just the thought leaving her skin crawling. He leans back in the chair, fingers a steeple in front of him.

"Well, well. The great Dr. Isles working under me," his voice holds a note of superiority. "I've got an autopsy to do, and since you're certain to be rusty, you can observe the present chief medical examiner at work." She grimaces.

"Of course, Doctor." Even saying that has her wanting to leave right there, but she doesn't. She needs this, and even if it kills her, she's willing to do it. She needs this. Maura turns around to leave when she sees Jane walking towards the M.E.'s office. As Jane rounds into the door, she stops in her tracks. A sigh worms past her lips, hair pulled tight behind her.

"What are you doing here?" Her voice is cold, bitter, but before Dr. Isles can speak up, Pike decides to state what he was just told.

"Dr. Isles is going to be working under me for a while, Detective Rizzoli. I hope that serves no problem for you." The man has a wicked grin on his features.

"Not at all. Just keep her out of my way." Jane leaves without saying another word.


	5. Confrontation, Contemplation

Author's Note: Thank you all for your reviews. I like to see that I haven't lost your interest yet. I really hope to type more to this soon. I've been off of it for a few days. There are many ideas floating through my head for this story, and I hope you all stick around to see them through.

* * *

The raven is in front of her computer, knuckles rapping against the screen repeatedly. Her eyes are fixated on the screen, though her mind is a few stories down. Frost looks at her before stealing a glance to Vince. They've both come to know that tic of hers. The eyes of his superior urge the detective opposite her to try talking to her. He hesitates for good reason.

"What's up, Jane?" Her eyes take a minute to focus on him.

"What?" Korsak pays close attention to her.

"Did you talk to Pike?" Barry asks. Her eyes cut away from him and back again.

"No. Dr. Isles is working under him now." She thinks on it for just a few seconds. "It's gotta be Cavanaugh. He did this."

"Jane, if he's put her back in the basement, so be it. I'm sure he's got good reason," Korsak intercedes. He's trying to strike a peace between the two former friends, though that's the most unlikely outcome.

"The hell he does." Rizzoli turns her chair to face him suddenly, the anger surging through her, "She left without notice, Korsak. She just up and left. And besides that, she left us with Pike! She left. She doesn't deserve to come back here." The sergeant carefully takes in how she reacts. He's starting to piece together what happened between them. "I'm going to talk to Cavanaugh." Jane stands up so fast it's like she's lunging to reach the lieutenant, to attack him. Her partners know better than to try and stand in her way. Her footsteps are loud against the floor as she swings open the door to Cavanaugh's office.

"The hell, Rizzoli?" he exclaims, raising a hand in the air.

"Why'd you let her come back?" her voice is low, that sort of growl she's been using more often since the good doctor left.

"Because she's a good M.E. She needs to get back on her feet first, but I'm hoping she'll get Pike out of here."

"She up and left us! How is that a good M.E.?" Jane's hand goes flying into the air as she states this, the rage taking control. Cavanaugh nearly jumps from his seat, showing his authority.

"Detective, I don't know what happened between you two, but I'll have none of it! She's working under Pike until I say she's in the clear! Got it?" His voice is raised more so than it was before, and the woman backs down.

"Got it," she replies sourly as she turns on the ball of her foot to leave.

"What was that?"

"Got it, _sir_," the raven amends, giving a haphazard salute before exiting his office.

Jane goes home to her apartment directly after her chat with her superior, finding the door unlocked. She carefully pushes the door ajar to see her mother. She sighs, hand that was tracing the outline of the gun on her waist dropping to her side.

"Ma, what are you doing here? I thought you were staying with Dr. Isles?"

"I decided to come see my daughter. Is that a crime?" Her eyebrow rises to that comment.

"Are you here to convince me to forgive her?" She sets her things in her drawer.

"Forgive her for what?" Angela gives Jane a curious look. "I told her you were upset after the calls stopped, and she said she was sorry. I told her to tell you that." The detective's brows furrow slightly. _What? Why didn't she say anything?_

"Did she… say anything else?"

"No. She didn't say much at all." Jane sits at the bar, lacing her fingers together and resting her chin on them in thought. "Eat up." The raven shakes her head and looks to her mother with a smile.


	6. A Weary Mind's Weight

Author's Note: Thank you for all the reviews. I do hope you're all enjoying this story.

* * *

Maura is washing her hands after the autopsy. She finds that scrubbing them until they're a bright red certifies their cleanliness. Her eyes cut to Pike beside her. She wants to make a comment on her chair but knows better. The blonde's to be on her best behavior until she's the chief medical examiner again.

"You've done well for being away for so long, Dr. Isles," Pike comments. It hasn't been that long… has it? Her attention is drawn away from him and back to Africa, but before she can dwell on it, she speaks up.

"Thank you, Dr. Pike. I appreciate you taking me under your wing." She says it with such ease though she has to mentally force herself through the words. Pike is caught off-guard and nods ever so faintly.

"You're quite welcome." She finishes cleaning up and starts to walk home. Constance has told her that her car was available anytime, but a part of the doctor finds walking to be a better way to clear her head. Her mind is drifting to Africa, to her adventures with Ian. Her hands are in her jean's pockets, a jacket over her shoulders.

Once inside, she realizes that Angela must have left. _She's probably with Jane. _She sighs, and a nerve is struck. Regrets start to fill her body. Maura's appetite is lost – has been for a while now – and she heads straight to bed. Exhaustion sweeps over her. She changes into some sleeping clothes her mother had gotten for her; silk pants and shirt. The covers are warm, drawing her lids more to a close.

_The smell of smoke rages in her nostrils. She is running, from what, she isn't entirely certain. Her legs are moving wildly, grass dry underneath her bare feet. Fear is causing her limbs to tremble as she presses on. Orange hues are breaking into her peripheral, loud noises a blur behind her, beside her. They start to clarify, and she can hear the screams that curdle her blood. Maura's chest is heaving, lungs burning wildly. Where is Ian? She needs to find Ian. She has to find him. Her feet halt their movement, and she turns around, a blaze on the village they were just sleeping at. Many seem to be trying to get their children out alive, unscathed. She doesn't see her companion, and the fear already in her body nearly cripples her. What if he is in one of those huts that's already burnt down? This seems to be a raid that Ian talks of some times. They normally had just left or were about to arrive when they happened. Now it was happening while they were there. _

_ A tall white man appears from a hut, bringing out a child to a family. He barely dodges the falling structure, running towards Isles. Seeing him gives her a bit of courage until a vehicle starts after him. Maura isn't sure whether to wait or to run. Her body takes the flight response before she can waste any more time on the decision. The loud roaring of the vehicle is catching up to her; Maura can feel the ground rumbling beneath her feet as she dashes, putting her all into the muscles in her legs. She has to keep running. She has to. As the vehicle approaches, she closes her eyes tightly, a sense of hopelessness settling under her flesh._

Maura's eyes snap open as she lunges forward from the bed, nearly jumping out of it. Her lungs are burning, the smell of smoke encasing her. A thin layer of sweat coats her body, the fabric sticking to her, as well as the sheets. She fights the materials, getting caught in the sheets before finally breaking free. Standing from her bed, her feet greet the cool flooring with apprehension. She heads to the kitchen for a glass of cold water.

Lifting the glass to her lips, she takes a sip before pressing it to her forehead. Her fingers grip it tightly as the bottom of it reacquaints itself with the counter. This isn't the first nightmare, and she's sure it won't be the last. Her lids are heavy but refuse to close. She can feel the mostly sleepless nights catching up to her. The doctor moves from the bar and sits on her couch, setting the glass on the table. There is light coming from behind the curtains, and as if on cue, Maura's new phone starts to vibrate.


	7. Break, Break Me Some More

Author's Note: Thank you all for the kind reviews. I'm so glad to see you all being pulled into the story. I appreciate you following this story as well.

* * *

The doctor is on her way to work, nice pants today rather than her scraggly jeans she's come to adore. The wind is pressing against her cheek, swaying the hair that's pulled back again. The Boston Police Department is about a block away, and the first thing she notices is the dark blue car in front of it. _Some things never change. _It's a bit of a relief actually, a bit of normalcy she's missed. Her lids are still heavy, but Isles refuses to let them fall. She can't be seen slacking off now.

Walking through the front doors, she sees the elevator doors close on her former friend, the raven not even taking note of the blonde's presence. Maura presses the button for the other elevator and waits. Once inside and heading down, she lets an uneasy sigh out of her lungs. She hates this… whatever it is between them, but more than thoughts of just Jane linger in her mind. Her feet are out of the elevator and heading to _Pike's _office.

"Is there anything you need of me, Doctor?" the politeness in her voice is her best attempt at being civil with him. He looks up from his computer, taking note of her appearance.

"Not yet, but I want you here in case I need you. Not that I, Dr. Pike, would need the help of you, Dr. Isles." He gives a low chuckle, and Maura grits her teeth. She walks back to the elevator and heads to the café. Coffee is calling her and possibly a nice chat with Angela, assuming she still works there.

"Come on, we're missing something. Frost, have Frankie check the videos again. There's got to be something else." Jane presses her fingertips to her temple in frustration.

"Maybe Pike missed something, _again_," Barry mentions before leaving to find the other Rizzoli. The raven's head turns slightly, brows rising as the comment registers. Very likely. It wouldn't be the first time Pike probably missed something and made them lose a case. Rizzoli looks to Korsak, eyes weary.

"Have you been sleeping, Jane?" They instantly perk up in anger at the very notion.

"Of course I have! Just, leave me alone!" She stands abruptly from her desk, and walks to the elevator. The sergeant's eyes follow her, but she doesn't turn around until she's in the elevator, and even then her eyes are cast towards the ceiling. She crosses her arms over her chest and heaves a breath from her chest. She is in dire need of coffee. Her sleep last night wasn't anything to be jealous of. A few hours here, less there. She walks through the opening doors and heads to where her mother works. Maybe she can talk to her about the case, actually no, bad idea. Another thing since the good doctor left, Jane has been left with no one to talk to, no one to really trust.

The detective's eyes lock onto her mother's back, and a small smile forms on her lips. At least her mother's still around. She stops to get a cup of coffee and heads to where her mother is standing.

"Ma," Rizzoli calls out softly. Angela starts to turn and immediately Jane realizes she's been talking to Dr. Isles. The small smile that is on her lips disappears instantaneously. Her feet halt their movement, and she glares towards the woman. She's not going to steal her mother. Isles has taken enough from the raven.

Hazel eyes turn up to meet the hazardous chocolate boring holes into her. Maura's eyes go down automatically, no fight in her. The slight upturn of her lips has faded as well. She stands, thanks Angela for the coffee, and leaves. Mother Rizzoli looks between the blonde and her daughter; her eyes turn stern on Jane.

"Janie," she knows that the detective hates it, "what do you think you're doing? She's your friend. Now go apologize." Jane gives her mother a credulous look.

"She hasn't been my _friend_ since she decided her life with Ian was more important than caring about me." She clenches her jaw and heads back upstairs, the rage causing her blood to boil.


	8. Chips in Your Concrete Walls

Jane raps her knuckles against the wall of the elevator. Why had her mother even suggested forgiving the doctor? The raven kicks the wall of the elevator, letting a smidgen of steam go as the machine starts to lift her up.

_"What's wrong, Jane?" Casey asks through the computer screen. Jane lets a sigh pass her lips, and she looks at him, defeated. _

_ "First, I was happy that she was following what she wanted to do, and we talked on occasion, yanno? The phone calls stopped about two months ago, Casey. I don't know why. I call and get her voicemail. I'm worried."_

_ "Calm down. I'm sure she's fine. Maybe they're just in an unreachable village. It happens."_

_ "But two months?" She rubs her eyes, wiping away even the potential for sadness._

_ "Give her time. I'm sure she wants to talk to you as well." Jane rubs her hands together, thinking on something before actually giving in and saying it._

_ "I really miss you too. I wish the two most important people in my life were closer to home." _

_ "It'll be okay. I'm here helping people, but in a few months I'm supposed to have some leave time, I think. I can come visit you then." He smiles softly, the raven reciprocating the action._

_ "I'll try to stay sane for that long," she chuckles under her breath before bidding him farewell and closing the laptop. Her teeth take to her lip as she thinks to Maura again. Two months without talking to her. Two months._

The doors are open, and Jane heads back to her seat. Her eyes are intent on the screen in front of them.

"What are we missing?" she asks the other two detectives. There had to be something.

"We barely have anything. No evidence, no suspects, just a body." Korsak rubs the bridge of his nose before looking at the female detective.

"I'm gonna go talk to Pike," Jane alerts them, though she just came from downstairs. Korsak nods. She heads back downstairs, dreading being near Pike and even the thought of Maura being there. As the elevator doors open, she takes a step and sees Maura and Pike working alongside each other. They seem to be getting along, which surprises Jane, but she doesn't hold onto it. She walks into the autopsy room and notes that Maura glances up to quickly avert her gaze to the body. The raven turns her attention to Dr. Pike.

"There has to be something you missed," she states, an obvious insult to his work.

"I've found everything there is to find, detective, and it seems you're only lacking the skills to put the clues together with what I've given you." Jane takes in a sharp breath, about to go off on Pike when Maura quips in quietly.

"Actually, Dr. Pike, she retained products of conception that require a second procedure to evacuate it out, but the second procedure was never done. This woman also shows signs of Endometritis which further suggests that she…" Maura pauses, stumbling up on the next part. The detective's left brow rises as she angles her back to Pike.

"It suggests what?" She queries, only slight annoyance in her voice. She's far more irritated by Pike at the moment.

"It suggests that she had an abortion, detective. Don't worry about her. She's only nervous for correcting her superior." Maura steps away from the body, taking the gloves off her hands and walking to wash them in the sink. Jane looks to Pike with a smirk before commenting on his words.

"I don't see how you could be anyone's superior." She struts off to the elevator, heading back up to Korsak and possibly Frost and Frankie. At least now there's something to look for, thanks to Maura.


	9. Missing the Things We Used to Be

Author's Note: Thank you so much for the reviews. I do read them all, and I'm glad that I can write something you're interested in. Thank you so much.

* * *

Maura takes a breath as the elevator rides up to the floor where Jane is at. She had spoken to her, actually talked to her, and without the hatred she had shown her before. The blonde's nerves are like livewires. She takes a moment to calm herself as the doors open. Frost is the first to lay eyes on her, followed immediately by Korsak's. This is her chance; her chance to try and talk to her best friend. Her shoes don't click against the floor as they used to. The sneakers make a minute squeaking noise instead, which doesn't alert the detective to her presence yet. As she approaches the raven's desk, she sees in Frost's eyes that Maura is there. It's obvious. Jane isn't sure why the blonde is there, except perhaps to deliver more news on the body. The detective can feel the tension build a bridge between them as the doctor speaks.

"Um, Jane, would you… like to go get coffee?" Her voice is soft against the background chatter that almost envelopes her words completely. Mocha eyes cut to her as the body follows suit, standing erect in a matter of seconds and towering over the blonde.

"Things aren't just going to go back to normal at the snap of your delicate fingers, _doctor_," Jane exclaims. "You stopped calling. You didn't even send an email." Her voice is seeping with anger. "Do you know what that feels like? To lose your best friend? For them to fall off the face of the earth?"

"I missed you, Jane, and I wanted so badly to talk to you again. There's a reason-"

"Sure there's a reason. Sure. Whatever. I knew then, and I know now. Ian's more important than I ever was. I see that clearly enough." Jane's hands are on her hips, glare shifting from her former friend to random objects around the room. Frost and Korsak exchange looks of disbelief. They can hardly believe how Jane is tearing into Maura. "Where's Ian now, Dr. Isles? I guess your judgment was pretty poor."

"Don't blame me for who you are now. I can see you doing it," she states, fists forming at her sides, "You've built these walls around yourself. You don't let anything in or out. You're like a statue, stuck in a perpetual stance, monotonous, going through your days on autopilot." She pauses, taking a breath to bring her voice back down to a normal volume, but starting again as she sees Jane moving to defend herself. "You don't care about anyone but yourself anymore, and you have no ideaof the things that have happened outside of your own problems. You have _no idea_." Maura bites back the tears that are stinging at her eyes, ready to spill over, but she turns around, escorting herself out of the room and back to the elevator. Her mind shifts to the first comment Jane made about her upon her return.

_ "What happened to your fancy clothes?"_

The doctor doesn't allow Jane to see the tears, clicking the button to go downstairs once inside the elevator, letting her hair hide her eyes. The detective doesn't deserve a sense of victory over her, not this time. She wipes away the tears after the doors close, pulling the last of her strength to stop them and keep her dignity as she walks home.

_My fancy clothes, Jane? They've all gone. I'm not the same person I was. As it's apparent you aren't either. I know I left you. I know I dropped off the face of the earth. I know I stopped calling. I know all these things and more. I know so much more. I can't ask you to forgive me. I can't because I know you won't. You're too wounded, too broken now. The Jane I knew had walls, yes, but not a barricade. And I may have been the only one to have gone past all of those walls. You've changed so much, Jane, and I know it's my fault, at least somewhat. If I could do anything, anything at __**all**__ to go back, to fix my mistakes, I would. I would do it in a heartbeat. There's nothing I can do. Nothing. _

She steps out of the elevator and walks home. It's all she can do not to break, right there. Jane could be watching her, but she doesn't care. She's not going to fall apart. That would only give the raven satisfaction in their argument. Maura unlocks her door and walks inside. Her fingers graze against the wood as it pushes to a close. Her forehead rests on its surface as her resolve dissolves under her tears.


	10. Two Sides of the Same Coin

"Frost, have you found anything in the local abortion clinics yet?" Jane's knuckles rap against her computer as she asks, eyes focused on the screen but mind focused on the doctor that had just left.

"I'm trying, but they're confidential. We'll need a warrant before we can search through them."

"Get on it, then." The raven watches as Korsak follows her partner. A sigh worms over her lips as she's alone, or at least, more so than she was before. Her mind automatically goes to her fight with Maura when Frankie walks up behind her.

"So what's this I hear from Frost about you and Maura having a little cat fight, sis?" His assumption that it was a cat fight irritates her to no end.

"It wasn't a cat fight. She up and left me to go gallivanting around Africa with _Ian._ So what she _finally _comes back; it's been two and a half years, most of which she didn't even try to call me. And then she thinks that because I acknowledged her superior intellect, as compared to Pike's, that we're all hunky-dory." Her voice is louder than when she had started, but she draws in a breath through her teeth to listen to her brother as he is sure to have something to say on the subject.

"Jane, I know you were hurting while she was gone, but did ya ever think to look at it from Doctor Isles's view?" His thumbs are laced in the loops of his pants as he shifts his weight from his left foot to his right foot. "I mean, come on. You never know what she went through over there. Africa's a lot worse than here."

"And since when do you know anything about Africa?" she retorts. She had known that Frankie would take Maura's side, but it doesn't change her mind about the woman.

"Everyone knows it's a bad place, Jane." Frankie turns around, heading out. Jane's frustrations lead her to nearly tossing her computer across the room, but she bites it back, trying to dial down the anger. Frankie was right on one part; Jane had been hurting while Maura was gone. More than even he knew.

_"You've reached Dr. Isles. I'm sorry that I'm not available, but leave me your name and I'll be sure to get back to you." Jane presses the phone closer to her ear, trying to listen through the sobs coming from deep within her chest. _

_ "Maur, this one time, can't you please pick up? Just this once? Please?" The desperation in her voice is an unfamiliar tone. Maura probably wouldn't recognize it. She does her best to stop the tears from falling, to stop the aching in her chest. Her lungs are starving for air, and as she inhales, Jane dials the doctor's number again._

_ "You've reached Dr. Isles…" The detective listens to the words, careful to pay attention to her friend's voice, which has seemed to fade in her memories. This is the only way she can keep her voice alive; to keep Maura alive. _

_ "Please," she begs into the phone after the beep, "Please answer, Maura. I need to talk to you." She doesn't think leaving a message about the actual problem will help, and saying the words feels nearly impossible at the moment. The fear is coursing through her veins, setting her body into a worse tremble. She calls one more time, hoping that the saying 'third time's the charm' really is true. _

_ "The person you are trying to call is unavailable at this time." And there goes the last comfort she had. Maura's voice was enough to keep Jane from getting too hysterical, but now…_

_Nothing is going right, nothing. All she wants is the doctor, her best friend, but even that seems too much to ask._

Jane hurries home. She can't be at work. Not when this sudden memory is plaguing her. Once inside her apartment, she snatches a beer from the fridge, downing it quickly before grabbing another. Her mind feels heavy, and she rubs her temples in frustration. _Nothing ever goes right._

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Author's Note: Thank you all for the reviews. It means the world to me to read them. And it was brought to my attention that someone wants to know if this is to be Rizzles. It's planned to be, but it's going to be a while before it really gets here. I understand if you don't want to stick out the storm.

Thank you all again.


	11. Secrets Shape and Break Us

Author's Note: I'm so glad to have all of you on board for this story. You guys are awesome. Sorry it's been so long, I've been kind of busy. Thank you to Breyer for keeping me on track and Gina for editing.

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Her knuckles wrap against the door to her mother's home, _her_ home in a way. Her hazel eyes wander over the door, hoping for Constance to be here; she needs someone she can talk to again. Steps sound behind the door before a face peers through the windowpanes beside it, and the door is opened.

"Maura, dear, what brings you here?" She ushers the doctor inside. Maura's arms are wrapped around her frame, stepping inside the house and turning to face her mother. The tears are swelling, but she manages to keep them at bay.

"It's… It's Jane…" Again she bites back the salt water threatening to stain her cheeks.

"Sit down, darling. I'll make us some tea." Maura does as she's told, sitting in one of the chairs in the living area. Her palms press to her jeans, nails slowing digging into them at the thoughts racing through her mind. The minute noises of the kettle on the stove and the cups being placed on the counter are just enough to make her jump out of her skin. It's not as if a silence is broken, there are plenty of other noises, but those seem to scream at her. Almost like the sound of chains clinking, perhaps handcuffs. She rubs her eyes, trying to think of how to talk to her mother; trying to think of the right words to say.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Constance enters the room, handing a teacup to her seemingly 'fearful-for-her-life' daughter. Maura sips at the warm liquid in her cup, fingers finally stable.

"I thought we were getting somewhere… I really did…" The older of the two is confused slightly. The doctor sighs before continuing. "She was so angry when I went back. I understood the anger, but… I never thought she would be that angry. Things haven't gotten better either…" Her mother looks at her, concern on her features.

"I understand anger, too, for not knowing the whole story, as I'm certain she didn't give you any time to explain, but… maybe I'm not following you properly, dear."

"Mother, she's gone too far. She's pushing me so far away, and I'm not sure I can get back." Jane had pushed her buttons too far, causing Doctor Isles to go off on her, and that certainly wouldn't bring them together.

"Maybe you should try harder to tell her the _whole _story of what happened in Africa." Maura's hands nearly drop the cup that is pressed to her lips. Her eyes, wide in surprise, slowly come to a halt on her mother. "Do you give me no credit, darling? I know you a bit better than to expect the whole truth on something that seems to have such a profound effect on you. I know I wasn't around much for your childhood, but these past few months, we've bonded. I'm here for you, Maura. I'll always be here." The tears finally escape, spilling down her cheeks as she sets the teacup down, moving to give Constance a hug. It's something she desperately needs, more so from someone else than her mother, but it appears that that is a long shot in Hell. They finish their tea in silence, a small smile on the medical examiner's face.

She gives her mother a farewell before walking home. Dusk is just settling over the Boston area, and Maura watches as the sidewalks empty. She feels a sense of loneliness surround her – possibly for the first time – and holds her arms close to her body. She isn't so alone; Constance is on her side, as Angela had appeared to be as well. But she isn't trying for their approval or their support. She's trying for Jane. Maura needs her best friend, the one person in the world that she can disclose everything to, and that one person is the farthest from her.

Unlocking the front door to her home and easing inside, she locks the door behind her. Waltzing into the kitchen, she pours herself a glass of wine, taking a single sip before placing it on the bar. _Wine doesn't even taste the same_. There is a knock on the door, jarring her from her thoughts. Approaching the door with caution, she sees Detective Frost outside. Opening the door, Maura gives him a confused look.

"Doc, we need to talk."


	12. Burning Right Through Our Bridges

Author's Note: Thank you all so so much for your support. I really hope this chapter was worth the wait.

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"Detective Frost, what are you talking about?" She ushers him inside, a small rush of nerves washing over her. She closes the door securely behind him, watching him carefully turn around to face her.

"I found something, and I haven't told Jane yet, but… I thought I should ask you first." He seems to bite the inside of his lip, the thought of betraying his partner – if this could be called betrayal – eating him alive.

"What did you find?"

"Your name," he states as her eyes widen, the fear overwhelming her, "You had an abortion, didn't you, Doc?" Barry looks at her with reassuring eyes, trying to make her see that he means no harm, but this is something that even… even her mother doesn't know. "I think if you… If you talked to Jane, just… told her something, _anything _about what happened in Africa, what really happened… I think you two could work things out."

"She won't talk to me now. How would I even get the chance?" She treats it as if it's something easy that she could say. Something that would take ten seconds to explain, but it's not. It would take so much more than a few sentences to break through to what happened. Maura grips her arm at her side, biting her bottom lip.

"I think telling her, even blurting it out, would give you a chance."

"Detective Frost… You don't understand. You can't possibly understand." She has no way of knowing what he's thinking, what he expects. What does he think of the abortion? What would Jane think? She shakes her head, unable to even think of a way to explain to him, let alone the raven.

"No, I can't possibly understand what you went through, and I don't think I'm the one you want to talk you about it either. Jane was… _is _still your best friend. She's gone through a tough time, and she won't talk to anyone, but you, Doc, she's always talked to you. You just have to break down her walls. I know that you can do it, and I know both of you will be better after you get everything off your chests." The detective gives a tiny reassuring smile. "I won't tell her anything until you're ready." Maura thanks him before he leaves, still rubbing her arm. There was something she had planned to ask, but now it's too late. He's gone.

Drinking the coffee from the café, Jane boards the elevator to get back to work. Her fight with Frankie is causing her to look back on things. Maybe she was a little harsh with Maura. And maybe he was right in that, she didn't know what happened in Africa. The raven taps her foot idly in the elevator. Perhaps she should forgive Maura, or at least, give her a chance to explain. They were friends for so long before this. The woman gives a soft sigh, wandering to her desk. On the way over, she notices some files on Frost's desk. She places her cup down and saunters around the two desks, sitting in his chair. Her fingers sift through the files – seeing that they are the abortion registries – and she looks for the victim's name. _Issacs, Issacs, _she reminds herself, scanning down the list of names as she subconsciously considers trying to patch things up with Maura.

She wonders where Frost is, and why he just left these on his desk. Perhaps he was going to look for Jane, to tell her that he found the name. _He probably has those files with him then. _She decided to finish scanning the I's before giving up, just in case these were the files after all, and that's when her eyes noticed an all too familiar name.

_ Isles. _Jane throws the papers down onto the desk, the rage filling her up so much, and at the thought of her nearly forgiving that… _that woman!_ She picks up something else from his desk – a paper weight – and tosses it across the room. What really pushed her over the edge was the date next to the name. A date that was time-stamped approximately five months before.


	13. Blade as Dull as Time

Author's Note: Thank you all so much for the reviews. I enjoy reading every single one. Thank you, Gina, for being my awesome editor, and thank you, Breyer, for being the best idea buddy. Without you two, this story would not be this amazing.

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The honey blonde is brushing off her jeans, trying to fix the t-shirt she's just put on. Today's the day. Maura's going to try and talk to Jane; to tell her about why she stopped calling, about how much she misses her. She wants her best friend back. She grabs a jacket, slipping her arms into the sleeves, pulling it up on her shoulders, and finally putting her hair up. The M.E. considers cutting it, but decides against it. Heading out the door, she walks down the streets to work. There are a few bystanders, watching her, and a sudden wave of anxiousness washes over her. _Why are they all watching? What… What's wrong with me? _

She quickens her pace, seeing the BPD in the distance. After Detective Frost's sincere words and claim to give her time to tell the other, Maura feels a sudden surge of courage rushing through her veins. Telling Jane would change everything. It would make everything better. Her feet carry her to the elevator, riding up to Jane's floor to find Korsak alone.

"Jane's down below, Dr. Isles. Went to ask Pike somethin' or another. Though she did seem in a bad mood." The doctor looks at him, wondering about why she would be in a bad mood, but then again, Jane used to get that way when cases weren't looking very well.

"Thank you, detective." She gives him a soft smile, at which she notes surprise in his features. It is the first time she's smiled in a good while. Hope. Hope has filled her up, brought her to think that maybe, just maybe, this can work. If she can just tell Jane something, _anything, _then maybe things can head back to how they were before.

She rides the elevator down, down, down, until she reaches the morgue floor, taking a deep breath as the doors open. Maura saunters forward, holding her palms flat on her hips. Her heart rate increases, the nerves running rampant under her epidermis. The sound of footsteps approaches her from behind, but Dr. Isles avoids turning her attention, seeing Jane interrogating Pike.

"Pike, come on! We need more evidence!" The raven cuts to Maura, eyes boring holes into her being. Maura gives a soft sigh.

"Jane, I need to-"

"Save it. I already know about the abortion," Maura's jaw drops slightly, the information – that one piece of vital information – dropping like it's nothing of importance. Jane turns on her heel, arms crossing over her chest. "I thought you loved Ian, _Maura_, why would you abort his baby? Or did you sleep with one of the villagers? Of _all _the things, Maura, I never took you to be a whore." The detective's words sunk into the former chief medical examiner like a dull blade attempting to sever the ulnar nerve of the arm. The pain comes in waves, rushing over her in different increments each time. Maura is losing touch with herself, if only for a few moments.

_Bullets are blasting everywhere, blazes seen in the distance. The smell of smoke and alcohol have settled into her nose, burning in her nostrils. Her eyes catch glimpses of Ian, moments before he disappears again. Her body aches, bones feeling stretched out of place. Pains flow like water, dipping into every crevice and filling up before draining away and repeating itself. Strange voices fill the area. Footsteps approach. _

A hand is on Maura's shoulder as she jumps, turning around and pushing the hand off of her, fear dripping into her irises. Frost is there, sympathy ridden in his countenance. She trusted him, and he betrayed her trust. The first time in so long, she opens up, and she's used. Her eyes shift from him to the fires in Jane's eyes, turning away quickly, sprinting for the elevator. There is heat pressing all over her flesh, trying to cover her; suffocate her.

Her eyes flick to Jane's, who is still watching her, glaring. The hope she had entered with is gone, dissipated, and Maura doubts it will return again.


End file.
